We Interupt this Nothingness to Present...

This just in...

This just in...

Gnomey and The Boyfriend are moving from Phoenix, Arizona to Colorado Springs, Colorado in the span of less than two weeks. Due to the short notice and stress of this announcement, expect more of the regularly (of late) scheduled nothingness.

Now a word from Gnomey's latest song obsession:

Like sand through the hour glass...

... so are the days of our lives...


Like the sands of the desert surrounding me, I am high and dry, devoid of ideas or blogging energy. The sun sucked the creativity from my bones as it did the moisture from the air. There is no water left in the sky for clouds, no day under 11o degrees and no posts. My apologies.

Your True Colors...

I have a few standard rants that most of my friends have heard before--about how bacon (or pork in general) is not a condiment to be slathered on any available food (even salad!) or about The Boyfriend's dishtowel fetish (one for dishes, one for hands... No! Not that one!). Then there are the football rants, football being a truly fruitful subject for me. The players don't move anywhere but line up, run at each other, only to line up again two feet away. Their asses don't look good in those pants.

And, that most football fans are rooting only for set of colors or a stylized, somewhat ferocious animal mascot. The players change, the coaches change and even the hometown has been known to suddenly become a different city a state or two away. What stays constant? The colors. You are not a Bronco fan, you just like orange. (Please, don't kick my ass now!) And as much as I like to gripe about football, I do not watch it.

Until today, I did not recognize the similarities between my football ranting and politics. I thank James over at Heavy: Lift with Caution for pointing out my oversight:


"I'm still not sure how anyone could support either party, except in a sports fan kind of way. You grow up, pick your team, and that's that. And there's all kinds of fans out there. You got the guys who don't really pay attention to the game, but they have an affinity for one side or another for one reason or another. Then you have the dude who likes whoever is winning, although usually this is a kid or a woman who doesn't know anything about the sport. Then you have hardcore fan, the guy who thinks "fairweather fan" is a four letter word. This guy will support his team no matter how bad they are, and not only that, he hates your team. It's not just that he wants to win. He wants you to lose.


Me, I'm the type of guy who doesn't care about either team. I just like the game."

Brilliant, she says with glee. Now I can recycle my football rants and branch out to whole new subjects. Then again, much like that American pigskin fascination, I don't watch much of the game of politics, which means that I am not entitled to much ranting. I know I should make more of an effort but... there is just so much more on HGTV and the FOOD Network...

Addled with Heat...

Though I have been told the same information in the past, I was reminded at a Starbucks this afternoon about a phenomenon I always found interesting. It being a steamy 115 degrees outside, the menu board is all about the frozen drinks and tropical fruit inspired tea smoothie concoctions. The woman in front of me ordered a mocha. When the barrista ask if her if she would like that hot, she replied, "O God, no!"

The barrista, a health nut looking boy with a shag of sandy hair and the healthy glow that drives Mrs. Robinsons everywhere wild began to tell the woman how hot beverages actual keep the body cooler than iced ones. Counter-intuitive, I know, but basically true. The closer the liquid is to body temperature, the less the body has to work in order to process it, the less energy expended when the rest of the body had to absorb excess hot or cold and equalize it. ExpenAnd if you don't believe me, believe some random person who claimed the same thing on Yahoo Answers.

This makes me wonder... If the body works harder when you shove it full of things of a very high or low temperature, does this mean some radical new diet will emerge from the idea? We have heard of the cabbage soup plan and the no-carb, low-carb, right vs wrong carb options. Now, prepare yourself for the ice diet, guaranteed to melt (ha ha) away those excess pounds.

On a wacky note and in tribute to one Cool Cat, I now give you your moment of meow...

Fair Weather Friends...

This is where our friends are at the moment, on the island of Giglio off the coast of Italy, near the knee of country's boot so to speak. A friend of ours, who I swear was born under a lucky star, has a family time share on the island and had visited at least once a year since he was an infant. There are mussels in white wine broth, a near-private beach, a penis-shaped rock, a bistro on the sand with fresh brioche, bad but strong local wine, a reclaimed castle with colorful laundry hanging on lines between the walls of narrow alleyways, dangerously steep walking paths and a welcoming blue gate that is always open. It says come in, bitte and mille grazie, come as you are with your rock-torn feet and mosquito-bitten skin. Play poker with seeds from a nearby tree as money. Sleep in the breeze of the ocean. Shower outdoors and pick basil from the garden.

This is where The Boyfriend and I were last summer and, if we are good, where we may return some other time. I hope you guys had tons of fun while we were back in Phoenix. Let's see, while you were in paradise we were:

• Holding a garage sale in 118 degree heat
• Fixing my Jeep's broken hose and mopping up coolant
• Watching out for the serial killer who stalks our neighborhood
• Seeing Pirates of the Caribbean from a neck-wrenching angle
• Avoiding going to the gym
• Burning through Netflix movies like there is no tomorrow

Ahh yes. Summer in Phoenix. Because there has to be spontaneous combustion in order for there to be ashes for the Phoenix to rise from, right?