I Smell Bacon...

That is that. He has been upgraded from a TV series to a full-blown movie, even if it is a Steve Guttenberg flick. My Brother-in-Law-and-Order is now set to begin Police Academy. Let the hijinks commence! There is sure to be a bumbling commanding officer, a girl with big breasts on her chest and a gun on her hip, all those light-hearted yet crudely embarassing practical jokes, and, please please, we must have the sound effects dude. We simply must.

Little James in his khaki pants and powder blue collared shirts. Always powder blue. Loafers. I am so accustomed to think of him as a banker. Now who would have thought that my mild-mannered Clark Kent of a brother-in-law has such a Superman inside, desperate to run free. Through an obstacle course and across shooting ranges. In a blue T-shirt with his name across his shoulders, a name that will be shouted with commands to drop and give me twenty/thirty/fifty-three or perhaps that excellent Lewis Gosset Jr. quote from An Officer and A Gentleman:

Only two things come out of ________, boy. Steers and queers, now which one are you?
Don't think I can fill in that blank with "England," however. Not many steers with that mad cow thingy, hm?

Good Luck, honey. Just be sure to keep the ammo away from my darling sister. She's not only eating but also being emotional for two, don't you know. And her safety comes before the general public's. That's part of marrying into this family, buster.