Flash Fiction Friday #29

I never said you were...

• Outright Plagerism:
• "I never said you were going to get anything good. That wasn’t in the deal. A structure, that’s it, that’s all that’s called for. The rest is word vomit, only big chunky clumps of phrase and the implied smell that comes along for the ride." (compliments of Just a Cool Cat)

• The Best of Evil and Manipulative Lines that Horrid Bitch said to me During the Course of our "Relationship":
  
• I never said that you always had to take out the garbage. I just assumed that because you always do it, that it is one of your favorite things. I'd never want to take that away from you.
• I never said you were funny. I just pretended to laugh. Was that misleading?
• I never said you had to love me. I completely understand if this dry husk of bedsweat and tears is unappealing to you. Go, one of us should live while we still have a chance, before the whole useless mess explodes into a black hole of nothingness and despair.
• I never said you had hairy earlobes but I reserve the right to demand that you shave them.
• I never said you had a small penis to Samantha. One of your other exes must have let that little cat out of the bag. Oops. Did I say little?

And that, ladies and gents, is all I have been able to post for this weeks FFF.